Give A Cheer For Another Year ?

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you'd know how my year has been going. I mean, yeah, it's been great, and everyone has their down days, but I didn't know I'd be down for the last month of the year. But it looks like it's all turning around. So, yes, cheers for another year.

I'm pretty sure that everyone has heard about my 'friend' situation.. if not, read my past blogs. If so, continue reading.

It basically started on Christmas, my turning around. I told my parents that i wanted nothing for Christmas, and guess what i got? Nothing. Yeah, my parents took it a little too serious. I bought myself a pair of slippers. Merry Christmas. Well, my mom tried to find me a Snuggie, but apparently it's a 'hot item' this year, ergo, I couldn't get it. My dad, on the other hand, said I shouldn't even get coal. So, the time before Christmas wasn't the happiest time of the year. But Christmas changed it all. My mom has this friend, who has a son a year younger than me. I have always disliked him. I literally used to attack him when I was younger because he used to piss me off. I mean, he still does bother me, but Christmas was different. He acted like a human being, for once, and we laughed like we never have before. We were dying on the floor for the dumbest things, I'm not sure why. So, i ended my Christmas happily, with family and friends. Which has never happened in the years i remember Christmas.

After all that, I was willing to make up with my friends and accept what has happened in the past. My friends aren't perfect, and i don't want them to be. I don't think they understood that. I just want them to get me, but i have learned that no one will get me. I won't ever get me. My answer for the past week has been 'I don't know', and I'm not just saying it in a cute way or whatever, I'm saying it because i really don't know. I don't know how to explain that, but that's what's going on.

This blog is supposed to say how i narrate my life as an artist. And my answer to that is I don't know. Life will take me where it may, and where ever I end up, I will continue to narrate myself.

Hey, life isn't about finding yourself; Life is about creating yourself.

-ashleycoppolino

Hold On Social Studies, I'm Creating History Instead Of Learning It.

In thirty years when I tell my kids about the worst week of my life, this will be the week I'm referring to.

In the past seven days, I have: Lost 2 friends and one is on the fence

Failed a class

Not received a Hanukkah gift from anyone in my family

Not slept over 17 hours, which is like 2 1/2 hours a night.

Not actually broke my finger, but popped it back in place

Broke my computer

Been blamed for unspeakable things

Been made fun of twice to my face, which never happened before in my life

Never felt more alone in my life

I also told my parents I didn't want anything for Christimas, and they took it a little too seriously. There's not one gift with my name on it.

It makes me feel like how I felt all week: immortal.

I'm not talking immortal like Edward Cullen, I wish, but immortal as in I look like a human, but don't feel like one. Being immortal must run along the lines of feeling alone, I guess that's why I like Edward Cullen so much. I guess I relate to him in a way. I don't know if it makes sense, it's one of those things I can't exactly explain. Like, you can't explain being a vampire to a human so easily.. that's my best way of explaining this. I say this, but I don't even know what this is.

But to top off my week, my on the fence friend decides to text me saying, "I'd miss them as friends if I were you though". And i told him "You'd think i'd be missed too." He said "what do you mean?", I didn't answer, because the fact that he doesn't understand that i should be missed as a friend really says a lot about the past three years of my life. And so, that's it from me. I feel like running behind a pile of snow until it melts and see if I'm ready to come out. I probably won't be. Maybe I should be a immortal vampire, I wouldn't have to go out and face this fucked up world, I'd be able to bite people and watch them die.

Don't take this stuff too personally, like I said, I've had a bad week.

I have to get back to my Social Studies essay now.

Goodnight, well, I hope your nights are good, because mine isn't.

-ashleycoppolino

When the truth came out, I just didn't know what to do.

It's been claimed that I have changed since the summer. So I sat back and thought about what changed me. What changed from the summer to now? I figured it was STAC. After the power cookie sale yesturday and listening to people saying "don't buy from them" or "don't support them", it made me build a shield to block out and protect myself from people who don't need to be in my life. We're people just like them. I don't understand why we're judged as a group so much. But what killed me the most is that I'm judged as in indivisual. I was talking with my 'friends' yesturday and they starting dissing STAC, and I stood there defending the class. It made me feel defeated in a way, like the weak one. But in the midst of this disagreement, I started to laugh. I thought about all I know, and what they don't know. I've learned things in STAC that no one else could learn. It killed me when my 'friend' started to call us, specifically me, ridiculous names, and I kindof had to hold back my voice because I couldn't handle it. I say 'friend' because a friend won't bash you to your face, and won't critize what you love. I guess this blog is sort of like a ventilation, but it's also a message that I really do love STAC and if my 'friends' can't accept that, they can't accept me, which is a shame.
I don't have all that many friends. I have two friends that are best friends together, and i just lost one of them. I should be sad that I lost someone very important in my life, but I'm relieved. Like I said about building the shield to protect myself, I did that here. This person can't pass the shield, as long as it's me holding the shield. I believed her when she said we'd be best friends forever. But like they say, the best part of believing is the lie.

-me, ashley

*don't change fr no one. Let it happen on its own. You'll figure everything you nee to know out.

I don't really see it as a date movie..

Let The Right One In!

-Every time a person stood at the doorstep, the words, "let the right one in" babbled in my head.

I'm going to start off by saying that it should not be remade my Americans. I just don't think it's be as well put together or thought out.

1. I'm not sure the backstory was handeled, because i didn't think there was much of backstory. The camera showed how the parents were divorced and this young boy wasn't happy.

2. The camera movement was amazing! It was SO well thought out. The dialogue tells a story, but when there was no dialogue, the camera told the story. When the camera moves slow, it builds up tension. I literally would lean forward thinking that something is blocking my view of an important scene, but it was just the tension build up. The brushing the teeth scene was brilliantly made! The camera, once again, was set on a tripod and Oskar and his mother walked back and forward in the view of the lens.

3. When someone was being killed by Eli's father figure, the camera was set on a tripod far back so you could see the people in a full view and you see the setting. The camera created a scenery where you would look at the focus point, but there was action in the background. For example, when Eli climbed the hospital building. We had to play it twice, because some people didn't follow it. The director made it so your eyes have to follow the screen. Brilliant.

4. Other than dialog, you could see the character developing. Oskar and Eli's relationship developed when he gave her the Rubix Cube and she returned it in the snow. That one simple moment, the camera didn't even cut, but Oskar looked at Eli's window then at the Rubix Cube and smiled ,you knew they were going to have a relationship. No dialog. Just a smile said it all.

5. The sound was so unique. You don't see any gory scenes, you hear them. You basically hear people playing around with a mixture of sounds in a studio. But in your mind, you can imagine what happens. Eli and Oskar had a relationship by sound. Not voice, but tapping on the wall, Morse Code, they had a conversation. Another scene, the scene where Oskar is playing with his father, Oskars father goes to put the bottle on the table, and you hear him shove the paper that him and his son were playing on. They way i looked at it, as if I was so close to that paper, that paper being the relationship between father and son, i heard it being pushed, so loud and clear, and it didn't affect the father at all because he continued to pour his glass. This scene hurt me the most. I don't like the feeling of a child being neglected, it shouldn't happen. Oskars one time of happiness is shoved out of the way by alcohol with a friend. Not fair.

8. Plot One was the completion of the Rubix Cube.

9. Plot Two was when Eli was saved by Oskar.

10. I'm not sure if this was a happy ending.. i feel like it shouldn't have been the end.

Im not sure who said it, but someone said that "The really freaky stuff is the human stuff." And it's SO true. The terrifying scenes are just between people-no monsters.

New Moon wasn't my expectations.

I guess you could call me a Twihard, but not a massive one.

Twihard: An serious/obsessive reader of the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer.

I mean, I could tell you anything you want about Robert Thomas Pattinson/Edward Anthony Cullen. It's gross that I could, but totally true :)

Why didn't it fit all my expectations?

Well, it did. I read the book, so I knew what i was expecting.

But after seeing Kontroll and the incredible angles, etc. it had, New Moon was a bit disappointing.

The camera kept spinning around the characters for absolutely no reason. It's a dramatic movie. I think it's a bit more dramatic to keep the camera in one spot and showing the actors expression in the single shot, but instead... it had to show you a 360 of the actor. And in the fighting scene, it was slow motion to very fast, it was just annoying.

Kontroll kept the camera rolling without stoping quite a few times, but in New Moon, it was about every three seconds that the camera cut and moved. It would take a shot, cut and move it, go back to the origional position and switch back and fourth a couple of times. And if I thought about New Moon as if it was made for me, i would think they did the camera positioning to piss me off-that's all it did.

I would've never known all this stuff if it wasn't for STAC. It's weird how one class can make you see a glass not just half empty or full, but you can see the shape, color, depth and empty spaces. And if that glass was being recorded by the cameraman from New Moon, you'd see the lack of talent that Kontroll should lend over. It's annoying that I notice these things now, but it'll take getting used to. I don't think me noticing these little things that no one usually cares about will ever go away now.

i'm not telling you that you shouldn't see it, i definitely think you should, we can talk about it!

Oh, and I was very sick for 8 days, but I'm better now and will see all your wonderful faces on Monday, 7th period sharp!

-ashleycoppolino

I see it! It's all different now!

You're probably wondering what I see, well, I feel like I see everything.
I didn't notice that the tree in front of my house has a tint on green on the side and it has a strip of dark purple too. As my friend and I walked home, I ran a couple of steps ahead and jumped in front of the tree and asked, "What color is the tree?!" He relied with, "it's brown. Like the next twenty on the block. Can we walk, its cold." I said "No! It's not brown!" I pointed to the bottom of the bark and asked if he sees the green/blue on the trunk. He didn't. All he could say was "So, how was STAC today?" and we kept walking.
I think that STAC will teach you things that will be useful in the future. I think that theatre skils are very imortatnt, even though I'm not to good at mine. Even when we practiced shaking hands, you would think it didn't do much, but I'm at my parents office right now and I see how some people must've never learned how to shake a hand.
I can't express how happy I for choosing STAC. I was unsure in the beginning, but now I'm wondering how i could continue school without STAC! I didn't know if it was what I wanted to do, espicially because I was the only one in my group of friends to apply, but I'm glad I did. I was scared to step out and do something different, but I am different, and I can't fight that.
I love how Nina wrote her college applicaton on STAC. I want to be able to do that too in a couple of years.

Quote of the day: When the power of love is greater than the love of power, the world will know peace. -Jimi Hendrix

Sincerely Yours,
ashleycoppolino

Taking Kontroll.

The first time I watched Kontroll, i was hung up on the subtitles and had my hands in front of my face because i knew it was going to get gory. Bt watching Kontroll for the second time was a lot better. I knew the story, and i was familiar with the subtitles, so i was able to focus on the actual movie. For example, i noticed that the camera was like a follower to the actors. It wasn't very choppy. The camera followed the actor and picked up on the hands, feet, surroundings, etc. The first time I watched it, i was terrified about the gory images that were going to appear. But this movie didn't actually show any. Yeah, you heard the control guy cut the passengers throat, and you see people being pushed in front of the train but not watching them be killed, but you didn't actually see any gory scenes.

When I see movies, i just SEE them. But this was all new. I was interperting Kontroll. I had thousands of unanswered questions, which i kind of liked, but it's a bit annoying.

I think the movie was even better because it was in Hungarian. Hungarian sounds so cool. If it was in English, i don't think it'd be as good.

These were questions running through my head, but i later learned that that have a mythical answer or another answer you wold have to interperate to figure out.

why was she a bear?

why did Bulcsú's nose bleed?

why did the lights go out before the pusher pushed someone?

who was the pusher?

why did Bulcsú sleep on the platforms?

was it meant to feel like there was no sense of daylight?

why is there a party in the train station? (like, i can't imagine that in new york city..)

why did Bulcsú call Béla "uncle Béla"?

i could go on forever.

over all, it was an awesome movie.

Oh, Luke! I tried googling nasty pumpkins, and I had to try really hard to find one that looked worse than yours. IT was from some site that said "we buy ugly pumpkins".