In the past seven days, I have: Lost 2 friends and one is on the fence
Failed a class
Not received a Hanukkah gift from anyone in my family
Not slept over 17 hours, which is like 2 1/2 hours a night.
Not actually broke my finger, but popped it back in place
Broke my computer
Been blamed for unspeakable things
Been made fun of twice to my face, which never happened before in my life
Never felt more alone in my life
I also told my parents I didn't want anything for Christimas, and they took it a little too seriously. There's not one gift with my name on it.
It makes me feel like how I felt all week: immortal.
I'm not talking immortal like Edward Cullen, I wish, but immortal as in I look like a human, but don't feel like one. Being immortal must run along the lines of feeling alone, I guess that's why I like Edward Cullen so much. I guess I relate to him in a way. I don't know if it makes sense, it's one of those things I can't exactly explain. Like, you can't explain being a vampire to a human so easily.. that's my best way of explaining this. I say this, but I don't even know what this is.
But to top off my week, my on the fence friend decides to text me saying, "I'd miss them as friends if I were you though". And i told him "You'd think i'd be missed too." He said "what do you mean?", I didn't answer, because the fact that he doesn't understand that i should be missed as a friend really says a lot about the past three years of my life. And so, that's it from me. I feel like running behind a pile of snow until it melts and see if I'm ready to come out. I probably won't be. Maybe I should be a immortal vampire, I wouldn't have to go out and face this fucked up world, I'd be able to bite people and watch them die.
Don't take this stuff too personally, like I said, I've had a bad week.
I have to get back to my Social Studies essay now.
Goodnight, well, I hope your nights are good, because mine isn't.
-ashleycoppolino
Sorry you had a bad week hun. your friends sound like douches, I'll be a better friend than they ever were! :D
ReplyDeleteI think you are an incredibly creative kid who has really made a powerful impact and positive impression on a lot of people - me, Cathryn, Rich Ganes, everyone in STAC, for instance. And there are no conditions to any of this - come as you are, and we're all fine with that. This is not to say that outside friends aren't important - they are. But don't doubt your value ever!
ReplyDeleteIf your so called friend is making you feel like an outsider, is this person really your friend? If this person doubts the significance of your friendship and wouldn't miss you if you're gone, then he/she isn't a good friend. There's so many people who care about you. Don't let them bother you.
ReplyDelete