School was let out at the regular 2:40, and like usual, home around 3:15.
It's the day that I planned going to Friendly's with my friend for his birthday before he leaves to celebrate his sixteenth birthday in Aruba.
It's also the day that my brother was scheduled to have this surgery that was planned for three years.
I just got back from seeing my brother, Steven. He was in surgery at 11:00 and was out around 2:00 and was taken care of in the recovery center until 5:30.
My parents were there since Steven was taken in for surgery, but Anthony, my other brother, arrived with me when he was being moved to his own room at 5:30.
It shouldn't have been painful for me, but I was on the verge of crying. He was screaming because of the pain. He was ripping the sheet of the hospital bed and was going out of control. It was not easy to see.
My brother's a firefighter. He's used to seeing blood, limited air, rushing, etc.. But he couldn't handle the pain this time.
His surgery was set because three-four years back, he broke his knee. A little bit over a year ago, he was hit by an 18-wheeler truck. His ligaments in his knee were torn along with other problems I'm not sure about. They chose to do it now because he's nineteen and he's done growing so they're able to repair his leg.
The doctor said that his knee was worse than expected, which meant that the surgery had to be more intense than it was planned to be.
I listened to my brother cry. I watched him search around for the plug to call the nurse. I watched him struggle to contain himself the hospital bed. I couldn't watch anymore.
Even know, when I'm home, it's making me sad because it's not fair of the way I've seen him struggle.
It just hit me that I have life pretty good. A fight with a friend is nothing compared to this. Failing a class isn't as important as being close to not having a usable leg. As I listened, watched and felt my brother in pain, it hit me that I'm not appreciating what I have.
I don't go home everyday and prey for the house I have, the food I consume or the luxuries I'm able to obtain, I just don't. That doesn't mean I'm not grateful. I'm grateful for everything that is around me.
It took until now, seeing my brother on a hospital bed screaming for help, to realize that I'm fortunate for what I have and am given. I love my brother, and I don't think I've ever said it to him, but I hope he knows it. I love my whole family, I hope they all know it too.
I don't ever want to see someone in pain again. Never.
I want to stop being so negative. I should talk more about the positives in life, because I'm fortunate to even have one. I want to stop saying that I can't do things. I should be happy that I have the opportunity to do things. I want to stop having this cold shoulder and attitude to my family. Because in the end, they're the ones who are going to be by your side.
My brother will be homebound for the next ten weeks. I hope he has a good recovery and he'll never have to do this again.
Farewell for now,
ashleycopolino
even reading this was painful. i understand the way you feel...seeing other people suffer and not being able to fix it for them is hard. but maybe you can think about it like this: without the pain in life, we wouldn't be able to recognize the fantastic things in life. it all has to balance out in the end.
ReplyDeletei think that you're really mature for realizing all of this.