that damn hat. it raised every hair on my body. all the power that i walked in the room with vanished the second my finger touched the hat. if it were really my brother's room and my brother's hat, i wouldn't have dared to touch it. The second I touched the hat it became real. I couldn't believe I took his hat
And then you realize you're acting. Then I became aware of my child-like posture and my increased heart-rate, which just make me sink inside.
I'm angry. This I know. But not everybody does. I spend most of my days, months, & years angry. I know why I am too. But I never thought I'd be posting this on a blog for the public to know. Ugh, I hate this feeling. I'm angry at myself, but mostly at my grandparents. They left me and I blame them for it everyday. It wasn't like they decided to leave me, they just passed away. Well, my Nana had the option of surgery or death, and well, she didn't choose the surgery. I blame her for not choosing to fight to be here. It kills me everyday. It's been on my mind since the day she died. And my other grandparents.. My Pop-Pop passed away with me on his lap, which has scared my whole life. God, the last words he ever said were, "I love you, my Angel", which tore me apart. His heart stopped beating. I never met my mom's mom but all my cousins say that I'd love her & she was the greatest grandma. And Mom's dad got to see all his grandchildren except me. He lost his sight right before I was born, & since I'm the last grandchild of the family, I'm the only one that he's never seen. Sometimes I think he saw me. It makes me feel better. Why am I crying. But yeah, that's the truth. This just makes me angry. It shouldn't, but what can I do, it's life.
I hate that damn hat.
I can't type anymore.
-ashleycoppolino
My dear friend,
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful blog post.
THere is something about that damn hat. It's like the hat in Harry Potter. It does stuff to people. Or it helps us find things within ourselves.
"but what can I do, it's life."
The gift of life is the joy and pain of life, and they are linked forever. And this is the basis of all art, especially all great art. It is the mystery of it all, the thing that winds us up and wrings us out.
It is better that it comes out as anger, then that you push it down - depress it - and it becomes depression.
I go through this same stuff. It explains why we're doing Metamorphoses this year.
Next week in acting we'll leave that damn hat alone.
Warm regards,
Luke
It's funny how something as simple as a hat can bring up all these deep feelings in both of us.
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