It was a tough crowd for most of it, not going to lie.
Off-track for one moment...
Well, my New Years resolution was bold optimism. It was to try new things and for me to not be afraid anymore.
I got up optionally to go on stage for the first time in my life. My rosacea probably kicked in, but no one could tell because of those lights.
I kind of liked it. It was weird. I never, never, never would put myself on stage in front of a crowd. But because of my resolution, I did.
My first improv was better than my second, I'm not sure why, but it just happened that way. Actually, that's a lie. I think I do know why it happened like that. I saw one specific person in the crowd during my second improv. Any who, it was all still new to me, so I'm sure if I did it again, I'd get the hang of it, and maybe my rosacea won't be visible during public speaking anymore.
But it was weird, because once I got up there, and the fidgeting stopped, I wasn't nervous and the words flowed out of my mouth very easily. I got compliments from an ex-STACie that I never spoke to in my life before. I got this feeling that I could be invincible. I saw my friends after school, and they were like, "I didn't know you were funny!" and "Who knew Ashley could act!" 'Compliments' like that. They were secretly in the crowd during my first improv, and they even recorded it, that's how funny they thought I was. But I got this weird vibe that they meant a different kind of funny. Like, not laughing about what I was saying, but just laughing at me. So I thought about it all. They've known me for about five years, and didn't know what I was capable of? Really? So, I took what they were saying, and it kind of pissed me off.
I'm going to backtrack a little bit here.
The whole friends situation, ugh. When I forgave them, it still bothered me everyday, and I acted as if it didn't. But I swore to myself to never trust them as I did, because for all of them to turn on me that quick means that they're not true friends.
Guess what happened yesterday. A repeat of the fight, but it's different this time. I won't forgive them. I don't care about them this time.
I know I'm foolish for saying I don't care, because I obviously do, but I don't want to care. That's the thing.
It was through text messages. First of all, text messaging has ruined relationships between people, it has to be a fact. Texts are constantly misunderstood. You can't express your feeling through a text, no matter how many haha's or aw's you include. It just won't happen.
She mentioned, "Actually, it was like you were never my friend after out last fight." I told her, "My acting skills got better since I joined STAC." She was speechless for fifteen minutes. Take note, she isn't a fan of STAC.
But the thing about this specific friend, her texts come out very sarcastic. So when the fighting became intense, I used her sarcastic one-word responses she texts me all the time, and her response was, "you're unbelievable." and my last response to her was, "You just proved my point on how difficult it is to deal with someone like you." And that's it of our friendship. For good.
Quote of the day: "Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live." -Dorothy Thompson
The girl who won't change for anyone but herself,
ashleycoppolino
It was a tough crowd, I must agree. And you acquitted yourself quite nicely up there, as did everyone in STAC I think.
ReplyDeleteYou must remember that people skills like being funny and being able to act tend to intimidate people. And because they can't do it, unless they have evolved a bit, they tend to put it down.
Went through something similar in 10th grade, and it involved 'stac' as a subject, but I think in the end it was about having someone to fight with.
ReplyDeleteDon't 'harden your heart' or anything, because for better or worse, you did lose someone. It shouldn't be a triumph, and it shouldn't be a depression.
As a followup, we both have changed, and now we're decent friends.
And sometimes, you can only take people in certain time-doses. By any chance, are these the people by us at Idol?
Yes, those are the people I am referring to. Not the one with blond hair, and not the boy, the one with dark hair that I sat next to.
ReplyDeletehey. i thought you were wonderful at STAC LIVE :). About your friends, i just want you to know that although i dont know the exact situation that you're in i went thorough something like that last year. i realized that my friends werent who i thought they were and that i couldn't trust them. i also realized that i am so much more different them then i thought. its not even that i had different interest, its that the way i think is different. so dont worry, you just have to get through this and hopefully at the end those who are really on your side will stay with you.
ReplyDeleteI was a few seats too far over. It's just that I overheard some nasties in front of me and became curious. To be politely vague.
ReplyDelete