Book Binding Day Two

Karl came back! I was surprised that he was willing to survive another couple of hours with us since he figured out that we are looney. Today we added covers to our books. Before it was just plain paper with string holding it together. But today it's amazing. We used this really cool thing to hold it together -Elmer's Glue- and after gluing on the cardboard cover, we added this black paper to cover the book, which makes it look official. I LOVE IT! Karl said that our first book is like an experiment on how we'll make the next one, and I tortured this book a lot with holes, tears, glue, mistakes, and more, but I'm excited to just hold my first finished handmade book in my hands, no matter how its appearance is. Hopefully the next time we do the book making process, I won't need to ask Karl every second to see if I did it right. But if I didn't ask, I knew I'd do something wrong, which Cassie knows about.. (: When we meet with Karl again, I will have my book complete. Book Binding Day Two was a success!

Book Binding & Peanut Butter?

Book binding is cool! I was originally in the acting class, but I've always wanted to make a book for myself. I love how we made the books with plain paper and the edges aren't straight, they look like they were freshly cut, which is my favorite part. We had to make signatures, which are sections of the book, and I made three of them. So my book is 16 pages that were folded in half, which makes 32. Threading the needle and sewing was very challenging. You had to thread the needle, which was pretty big for a needle, with twine, and punch holes through the pile of paper. But Carl said the inside has to look better than the inside, which made me restart a couple of times. I didn't stab myself though! Ilana did.. twice! (: And Cassie, well, Cassie messed up.. a couple of times.. but it ended up alright. (:

I can't post about Book Binding without talking about peanut butter. Well, not actual peanut butter, but Carls accent. I've always wanted to hear a english person say peanut butter because it just sounds amazing, based on what people say. Do you believe that there's no video on youtube of a english person saying peanut butter? It's ridiculous! But Cassie asked Carl to say it, and i practically died. And before the day was over, I asked him to say it again. It was the best two words of the day, actually, the week.

And besides making my week with peanut butter, I made a book!

the girl without a English accent,

-ashleycoppolino

Book Presentation.

I'm not sure why presenting is my fear, but it is. I've always tried to overcome it, and I thought i did a good job at it, but I guess not. Getting up and improvising in front of a crowd should be scarier that talking about a book you've read to the class, but it wasn't like that at all.

What ruined my presentation:

1. No eye contact

- I basically looked at the sheet of paper I had the whole time.

2. Using 'like'

- 'like' is a bad habit that I have picked up on, and it's a challenge to stop saying it.

3. Being completely nervous

-I was so nervous that I made the book sound boring and that people wouldn't like it.. but it's totally opposite!

The list could probably continue.

I couldn't see my face as I was presenting, but I'm pretty sure I was beat red.

(if you are interested in this book, it's called The Mind's Eye: Writings on Photography and Photographers by Henri Cartier-Bresson)

from the nervous presenter,

ashleycoppolino

Inhale, Exhale and Repeat.

The average person takes a breath 28,800 times a day.

Give or take if that person's heart rate increases.

Lately, I've been reminding myself to breathe, because this world is too much to inhale for me.

I can't take it. Basically, my life is coming to crumbles, and I feel it.

I mean, here's the reality: Go to school, take care of my brother, make dinner, do homework, do things around the house, barely sleeping due to my brother, getting up the next morning and repeating my day. And somewhere in there, I have to breathe.

Breathing is very important because it keeps oxygen for your body to use. Personally, I feel like the oxygen has ran out and i constantly have to find more.

I'm overly tired, I'm piled with work and I've been trying to help others and not be greedy with wanting help in return.

The guidance counselor and social worker in school keep telling me that there's always going to be stress in the life of a teenager, but they keep telling my to breathe. I inhale, exhale and repeat.

In the meantime, I'll be trying to take deep breaths and continue slaving for this world I live in.

-ashleycoppolino

My Brother In A Hospital Bed Made Me Think About Life.

It's Friday March 26, 2010.

School was let out at the regular 2:40, and like usual, home around 3:15.

It's the day that I planned going to Friendly's with my friend for his birthday before he leaves to celebrate his sixteenth birthday in Aruba.

It's also the day that my brother was scheduled to have this surgery that was planned for three years.

I just got back from seeing my brother, Steven. He was in surgery at 11:00 and was out around 2:00 and was taken care of in the recovery center until 5:30.

My parents were there since Steven was taken in for surgery, but Anthony, my other brother, arrived with me when he was being moved to his own room at 5:30.

It shouldn't have been painful for me, but I was on the verge of crying. He was screaming because of the pain. He was ripping the sheet of the hospital bed and was going out of control. It was not easy to see.

My brother's a firefighter. He's used to seeing blood, limited air, rushing, etc.. But he couldn't handle the pain this time.

His surgery was set because three-four years back, he broke his knee. A little bit over a year ago, he was hit by an 18-wheeler truck. His ligaments in his knee were torn along with other problems I'm not sure about. They chose to do it now because he's nineteen and he's done growing so they're able to repair his leg.

The doctor said that his knee was worse than expected, which meant that the surgery had to be more intense than it was planned to be.

I listened to my brother cry. I watched him search around for the plug to call the nurse. I watched him struggle to contain himself the hospital bed. I couldn't watch anymore.

Even know, when I'm home, it's making me sad because it's not fair of the way I've seen him struggle.

It just hit me that I have life pretty good. A fight with a friend is nothing compared to this. Failing a class isn't as important as being close to not having a usable leg. As I listened, watched and felt my brother in pain, it hit me that I'm not appreciating what I have.

I don't go home everyday and prey for the house I have, the food I consume or the luxuries I'm able to obtain, I just don't. That doesn't mean I'm not grateful. I'm grateful for everything that is around me.

It took until now, seeing my brother on a hospital bed screaming for help, to realize that I'm fortunate for what I have and am given. I love my brother, and I don't think I've ever said it to him, but I hope he knows it. I love my whole family, I hope they all know it too.

I don't ever want to see someone in pain again. Never.

I want to stop being so negative. I should talk more about the positives in life, because I'm fortunate to even have one. I want to stop saying that I can't do things. I should be happy that I have the opportunity to do things. I want to stop having this cold shoulder and attitude to my family. Because in the end, they're the ones who are going to be by your side.

My brother will be homebound for the next ten weeks. I hope he has a good recovery and he'll never have to do this again.

Farewell for now,

ashleycopolino

solitarily & shouldn't be.

I'm alone in my house roughly from three o'clock to eight thirty.

That's five and a half hours to myself.

It probably sound amazing to an outsider, but as the one being alone, it sucks.

My parents have their real estate office in Queens and the busiest time for them is the night.

My brother stays out with his friends for as long as possible, which could be eleven o'clock on a school night.

My other brother is dedicated to the fire department. He spends his whole day there spends the night with friends. He strolls in usually in the middle of the night.

I'm very independent at home. I cook for myself, I clean around the house, I take care of my dog, I do the laundry, I complete my homework that can take hours, and the list can continue.

My mom 'trianed' me to take on the 'job of a woman' when I was about seven. It sucks. I'm responsible for most the things in my house because I basically have control. I know where things are because most likely, I put them there.

You're probabaly wondering what my mom does.. most people do wonder. Well, my mom's not in the best condition. My mom has Diabetes. She has back and knee pain. In the past ten years, she has surgery on her hip, back, neck and knee. She was recently diagnosed for Carpal Tunnel, which has to do with her nerves that are squeezed at both her wrists. There's other conditions that I don't know the name of. So I help my mom as much as possible, because I have this fear that she won't be here one day. I'm not very close with my mom, but if I ever lost her, I don't know what I'd do.

Back to solitarily... I'm home alone a lot of my days. I don't mind it because I'm used to being alone. It actually is where I'm most comfortable. But I just want someone to come home so I don't have to be alone. But when someone's hoe with me, we don't interact. I just stay in my room.

I'm pretty sure I'll be solo for a while. It doesn't bother me at all. It's not a concern of mine to be accompanied either.

I like being alone, but I don't want to like being alone. It's good to have people in your life that you want there.

-ashleycoppolino

Anyways, here's my 365 for anyone who's been keeping up.

http://heyitsashleyy.tumblr.com/

or

http://www.flickr.com/photos/heyitsashleyy/

(they're the same, just two different websites)

It's been a while, but I'm here.

I'm not sure what state of mind I've been in lately.

I've been constantly thinking about my future.

I feel like it's in full blast.

This time next year I'll be searching for colleges. This time in two years I'll be ready to head out of Herricks. This time in three years I'll be an adult.

But I also thought about my past.

This time last year I was doing the bare minimal in school. This time two years ago I was feeling all macho since I was going into high school. This time three years ago I was into cursing and rap.

I've changed over time and I most definitely will continue to change.

It might sound strange, but I've thought a lot about my ending of life. I don't want to finish my life by thinking that 'I should have done this' or 'I should not have done that', I want to be able to look back and be satisfied with the choices I have made.

But I'm not satisfied with the choices I have made in the past, and I want that to change in the next couple of years.

Maybe it's all a self-confidence thing that I'm lacking.

Maybe it's my fear of not doing it right, so I don't do it at all.

I keep saying that I'm going to do things differently and that they're going to be better, but it never happens.

I've been confused lately. I don't know where I stand, if I even stand at all.

From always,

ashleycoppolino

here's my daily practice: www.heyitsashleyy.tumblr.com